Nice to forget you: a goodbye to myself

i have never been this insane before.
i will never be this sane again.
I've discovered recursive universes within me.
the mellow parts of me carefully titrate my happiness,

The chaos flows wildly within, no dose high enough to destroy me.
The reaper within me seeks what comes naturally to all.
The elder, rendered useless by the pain in his bones and his mind.
The child in me finds it hard to forgive who I've become.
she made me promise it would be better than this.

a random carpark, a man staring at me, are you crazy? He shouts..
My therapist asking if I was the one making all that racket.
of course,! I had to prove something to them.
none of these people are alive.
none of them.
I'd claw my eyes out just to show them.

everyone is so desperate for something:
romance, patience, fun, trust, control, solitude.
i am not brazen enough to believe i am anything but identical
i am careful enough to trust somewhere deeper down
I'll be able to see it with	their eyes.

i am a fool for thinking I'm the first. but I won't be the last
finally it makes sense, like bricks and mortar,
i am the wall and the rubble.
i am the drought and the flood. the field and the seeds.
the memory and all of that which has and will be been forgotten.

i am the calm chaos. a drop of the strongest poison.
i am the first drop of cold rain on a hot summer morning.