Hypocrisy

Sorry for backflipping at the last second every time we are about to meet. I think I have been pushing myself because long ago I made a promise to be your friend for a long long time but it seems that as actually meeting becomes closer to reality my body and mind instantly want to escape. I was cleaning my room last night and ended up reading a diary entry of when you got drunk and I had to drive you home. It was triggering then and it was triggering now. I cut you off, then over time tried my best to build my trust back with you but I just can’t. I’ve gone on and on about how people who you’re having relationships with should treat you, but never took my words seriously enough with you.

I’m scared of you because we were always out of control together and as much as we have grown and matured, I’m still terrified. I can’t control you, i know that, but when I’m with you I feel like I’m completely out of control too… and thats never going to change. I don’t think there are any other elements to us. I think this might be a good time to properly part ways and just leave things as neutral/positive as possible instead of making a complete mess of the situation and then not talking to each other for years, just to then do it all over again.

I’m really sorry again, it’s fucked I know, but this has to end. I think you’re doing well and I hope you continue to find happiness in life.