20 years on and i still cant figure out what kind of man would punch a hole in an 8 year old child’s door after the child pleaded to be treated with respect, decency, understanding, patience. 

Perhaps it is the same man that smothered that same child, malnourished into a 60kg young adult into the floor with his full 100kg of weight once again forcing them to submit after another failed attempt at receiving a shred of dignity.


I slept with a knife for too many years after that.

my whole world is out of order
the dust creates cataracts over my eyes
and drains all the colours 
beneath the phobias, the meds,
and the pain as my spine shivers.
She brings me water,
she brings me medicine,
she brings me warmth.

she brings the colours back.
she clears the clutter.
and puts my world back together again.
My wife.

seeing the journey
stopping for a breath of air
the road is very long

trying to join you
_____
doll, doll.

This story begins by disclosing that it (itself) happened in a different reality.
Everything said here (by this story) may or may not have happened in your timeline too.
At this point it seems that *(the story) has been lacking any discernable meaning (realism) or direction (it's lack of plot) since the writers' strike in the formative years of the reader's (host&) character.

The author has been replaced many times over due to the continuing decline in living standards caused by the end of the current era. (not the end of the world as previously thought). This means that there is room for even more changes in tone, content, and direction as the gradual shift continues (infinitely).

It is important to note that although the authors are all extremely privileged to be in their positions, it is apparent that they were born for a totally different era altogether, one of more harmony. Regardless, the reader* now resides in a country where they do not provide authentic motherly love or tribal elder services regardless of how much they try to stretch their budget to pay for complete (or near complete) recovery. Similarly, there is no technical support which can be provided on this planet to those readers in need of memory repairs after their ANCIENT backup systems fail and all their memories are gone like the wind~

If it isnt aparently clear, I have been recently influenced by "The hitchiker's guide to the galaxy" by Douglas (?:[Adams]*). Anyway, working out how to live in the post-humour era is really quite disturbing at first. My mental stability is slipping fast in this new era but I feel I am safe caught within the web of a benevolent and beautiful (in all senses) arachnid. Sometimes, I think I am the next buddha, but this is clearly a witch's maze, and I am using my own insanity to escape it. 

<Hear ye>:

From here on and henceforth, “A” will be known to all as:

- “Missionary of nonsense”

- “⋆˚࿔ Le sympathique coquette chienne 𝜗𝜚˚⋆”

- “Genderfluid bundle-of-smoke”

- “Post-opinionated conversationalist”

- “Gardens ‘&’ Eeps”»

</hear>

dear future me: hope you are healing well from last year. I hope that you can learn to trust the world will be ok and take it easy on yourself. i hope you achieve some great things such as riding the Trans Europe Trail. reconnect with your selves again. keep your relationship with Ashe strong and special as ever.

Forgive yourself.

hope you can avoid incurring trauma from your parents visiting.

dont feel the need to be good to them.

dont feel the need to forgive them just yet